Drunk Anatomy

Previously on Drunk Anatomy, we drunkenly discussed anatomy. It was kind of confusing but somewhat humorous so it all balanced out in the end. This blog's zodiac sign is a Libra. We're neither uppers nor downers; we're even-outers.

Tonight on a very special Clone High remember that show? Drunk Anatomy, we're visiting an old favorite: the abdominal muscles.

Who? What? Where? When? Why?

Um, are we in Journalism class? No, I didn't think so. I'll still tell you the why and the where and the what, though! ("What a giver," everyone thinks to themselves in total sincerity.) We're checking the abs because that's what popped into my head as I was tirelessly throwing back shots in preparation for this post, and that's the amount of thought I put into selecting muscles and because I CARE for you.

Where are the muscles, you ask because you live to be obtuse even when it's become truly unbelievable how clueless you pretend to be? Oh my god, Clueless!!! You know when you see dudes running around topless and you roll your eyes so hard that you lose your equilibrium? Well, before you stagger around while regaining your balance, you might have noticed the dents/wrinkles on the dudebro's stomach? Those are the abdominals!

Unfortunately, the abdominals are following the rules of Macbeth and nothing is what it seems.

"Da fuq?" you're thinking to yourself.

It's a very theatrical (ba dum tiss) way of saying that the abdominals are made of three surrounding layers and then the actual six-pack itself (uuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh).

Together, they create the abdomen and make for dented/wrinkly stomachs that make you just roll your eyes into somersaults. The three layers surrounding the rectus abdominis (oft referred to as the "six-pack") are the external obliques (in terms of Twix, it's the chocolate outer layer), internal obliques (the cookie crust of a Twix), and the transverse abdominis (the Twix's rewarding caramel center). They swaddle the six-pack and keep it safe from various predators.

When are my abs in play?

Oh, only like most of the time. They're helper monkeys when it comes to breathing, puking, coughing, singing, giggling like a school child, bowing, supporting the spine, and other stuff! I know I've ripped on the abs because it happened like two minutes ago and not even my memory is that bad, but, everyone, the abdominals are super considerate! They protect the inner organs found in your guts-- how sweet is that?

How do I show my abdominals some love?

If you know me or you've been reading these posts consistently, you may be surprised to learn that, not to brag or anything, I know my way around a sun salutation. Please don't be intimidated and turn away in an isolating fit of inferiority. Y'know the cobra pose? That's AWESOME for stretching out your abs! And I'm pretty sure someone told me that doing 10 reps of that stretch will save your back as you age gracefully!

 

Okay, I have to see my mouth about some french fries so I'm done talking about body parts for the moment! Love ya! I mean, respect and admire ya in a manner that is proportional to our relationship! If we have one!

Lindsay is the Office Superhero (check the business cards) at Mantis Massage. She knows essentially zilch about massage therapy other than that it feels real nice. Outside of random trivia, she has retained nothing from talking with the therapists re: anatomy. Lindsay might maybe possibly definitely be inebriated for these discussions, but who's to say?