Drunk Anatomy

(This is going up later than usual because I AM A TRASH PILE. A VERY APOLOGETIC TRASH PILE. I'M SORRY.)

Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!

You're in for a very special Drunk Anatomy. This week, we'll be joined by my crippling guilt and the distant yowling of a feral mamma cat. SHE WON'T LET ME HELP HER AND IT'S KILLING ME. We might have to add more Drunk to the mix because, honestly, this is a lot to handle. I am helpless and frustrated with the situation and alcohol is so very here for me right now. BUT WHY WON'T SHE LET ME TAKE HER IN AND PROVIDE FOR HER? Because she's feral, Lindsay. Because she's feral.

This week we will be trying to repress our feelings (so business as usual) while learning about the sternocleidomastoid muscle!

Da fuq? you ask because you are classy and articulate as always.

The sternocleidomastoid, which is usually called the SCM, because ain't nobody got time for that, is a thick two-headed muscle (uuuuuuuuggggggghhhhhhh) that runs across the side of the neck. The SCM looks like a rectangle, which I know is super boring, but that's the truth. There's no way to make a rectangle exciting. It starts out thin at the ends and is thickest in its midsection.

I'm sure you're wondering why I chose this muscle for our time together. You're probably imagining me pouring over anatomy charts and reference books, carefully weighing my options and you would be right. Also, my personal interest in the SCM is due to mine being super flipping tight. That tightness is from me habitually tilting my head like an inquisitive dog.

SCM, pffft...I bet you never use that.

WRONG. WRONG-O. WRONG-DIDDLEY-ONG. You use it to rotate your head, flex the neck, and move your head! So there.

Some examples of this would be: flipping you hair over one shoulder, headslides, whipping your hair back and forth, the dramatic hamster turn, that climatic rom com moment where your S.O. makes an overture and with cautious hope you turn your head to look upon them, shaking water out of your ears, the way you tilt your head when your put earrings on, etc.

You use it a lot and probs without realizing it.

Me and SCM, we're gonna make it. I'm in this for the long haul and nobody is getting between us.

This stretch is some "miserable waif stares forlornly into the distance, searching for something that maybe never was" realness. You turn your head midway between your shoulder and the center of your chest, then pull your head back with the hand you're shifted toward and feel that mild stretch! Hold for like 10 seconds, then do it again. You will look very long-suffering. Very unhappy and contemplative, though ultimately powerless.

Lindsay is the Office Superhero (check the business cards) at Mantis Massage. She knows essentially zilch about massage therapy other than that it feels real nice. Outside of random trivia, she has retained nothing from talking with the therapists re: anatomy. Lindsay might maybe possibly definitely be inebriated for these discussions, but who's to say?