Drunk Anatomy

 

Welcome to Drunk Anatomy! Every week Lindsay investigates a muscle of her choosing and reports those findings here on this blog for your entertainment and edification. 

Muscle of the Week: Teres Major

We're checking out the Teres Major this week because IT SOUNDS LIKE A DRILL SERGEANT, AMIRITE? WHO STARTS OUT REALLY ROUGH ON THE CADETS BUT ULTIMATELY CARES DEEPLY ABOUT THEM, THOUGH THAT DOESN'T EXCUSE HIS JERKY BEHAVIOR, it just makes it understandable, y'know???


Muscles. Anatomy. Teres Major. Let's do this.

 

Where It's At? I Got Two Turntables and a Microphone


  • Located in the back shoulder/above armpit region. Go with me on this, okay, the armpit is a cave, and the Teres Major is like the roof of said cave. Got it? Cool, let's move forward.
  • The shape is similar to that of a slow cooked pork rib.
  • IT IS FREQUENTLY DESCRIBED AS "PETITE." LIKE IT'S A STARLET OR SOMETHING. WE'VE GOT A PETITE MUSCLE ON OUR HANDS, PEOPLE.
  • Apparently, it's overlooked, which, aw, sad. The Office Superhero Division is very much in favor of the underdog.

 

But Lindsay, what is the the thing that is does?


Well, let me throw some information at your eyeballz:

You use it when rotating your arm, bringing your arm towards you, and in flexing, so when you're all, "Welcome to the gun show." It's involved in tons 'o ordinary stuff, like when you put your phone in your back pocket, when you adjust the button on your shirt or the wire you're wearing while undercover at a sting operation (Be discreet, okay, make it look like you're really itchy or something else innocuous.), when you reach for things because you are so short and things are so high in the sky. Baseball players, professional or just for funsies, use this muscle when pitching. If you are catching someone who is running into your arms, you're using your Teres Major... and your heart. Someone needs to mercy kill me.

It also helps our friend the latissimus dorsi do its thang! Everything is connected-- crystals, the universe, hearts, stars, and horseshoes, etc. 

 

[Feeling just SUPER productive so ferociously scrubbing my kitchen counters break.]

 

How do I care for and nurture my Teres Major so that it may blossom and grow into a beautiful butterfly?


Excellent question. Beautifully put. First of all, get our gals to do Trigger Point Therapy and myofascial release!!! Secondly, and you can do this all by your lonesome, put one hand behind your head and with your other hand, grab your wrist. Alternate hands!

It looks like one hand is ceasing undesirable activity performed by the other hand. So, pretend your hand is possessed and your Teres Major will be a happy little clam!( Emphasis on little. Because it's just a wee muscle trying to make it in a big and tall world.)

IMAGINING SOMETHING COOL IS HAPPENING IS THE BEST WORKOUT MOTIVATOR. Taking care of yourself is cool, yes, blah blah blah, why are you eating three people's servings of pizza, don't you care about your health, BUT is it cooler than a possessed hand? I think you'll find that no, it is not.

 

And that is a wrap on the Teres Major! Tune in next week when I will explain another muscle! Hint: it's a muscle.

Impress your therapist with your anatomy knowledge and ask her to check on your Teres Major next time you come in! She will be stunned and you will be the new favorite.

 

Lindsay is the Office Superhero (check the business cards) at Mantis Massage. She knows essentially zilch about massage therapy other than that it feels real nice. Outside of random trivia, she has retained nothing from talking with the therapists re: anatomy. Lindsay might maybe possibly definitely be inebriated for these discussions, but who's to say?