Drunk Anatomy

Hey Manatees! WAZZUP??? Ready for another inarticulate anatomy lesson? Then let's do this!

This week we're cracking the Google on the brachioradialis!

WTF is the brachioradialis, you ask?

First of all, tone it down. This may be Drunk Anatomy but it doesn't mean it's Vulgar Abbreviations Anatomy, m'kay? With that in mind, the brachioradialis is a muscle that spans the forearm. If you're getting your palm read-- and why wouldn't you, come on now--the brachioradialis is on the top of your inner forearm on the outside.

[Why am I this warm?]

 

Why are we spending this blog post on the brachioradialis?

Well, because mine are really tight (and this is all about ME) and the Mantis therapists DESTROY them whenever they work on me (Sidenote: I'm getting Cranio Sacral with Monica this week!!! I'll tweet about it, don't worry. Seriously, I will. Yes, I promise. Please calm down.). They thought I was a musician because of how tight they were, which HA! I couldn't even play "Hot Cross Buns" on the recorder in elementary school.

I write- pen and paper because I am an old fart-- constantly. Everyday for, like, hours on end so I have really tight forearms, they get knotted up sometimes, it's gross. Yours aren't gross. Your body is a wonderland-- please forgive that reference, I saw an opportunity and I went for it.

After I saw what this muscle was called, I was really pleased with my selection because of the spelling. This beautiful, complicated muscle contains both the words "Bra" and "rad" in its title. Obviously, that means our nickname for this thing will be "Bra, rad." I am imagining "Bra" to be "Bro" pronounced by some aimless, dimpled surfer dude, not a woman's undergarment.

Enough with the jibber jabber, let's get down to brass tacks!

 

When/how is my Bra, rad in use?

From me to you, from Justin to Kelly, this anatomy jargon is a real bummer. I hardcore do not recommend it. This blog is a sufficient amount of info. Go read some Mallory Ortberg articles if you're starved for reading material, they're way better.

The Bra, rad flexes the forearm at the elbow, whatever that means. You use the Bra, rad when you're doing super everyday things like writing, typing, texting, holding stuff, bowling, stirring, you get it. Hand things. Hand-holding things. Aw, holding hands, Bra, rad you ol' softie!

 

Dear Lindsay, how do I take care of my Bra, rads?

You know what I'm going to say! Let's say it together: get a Mantis massage and be like, "Hey, this feels terrible, please assist me so that it doesn't feel so terrible."

There's also a stretch that you can do! It seems I'm incapable of explaining this stretch without being just the most confusing so we're going to break it up into parts like a movie series.

Part One: Hold Both Hands in Front of You.

Part Two: Hold the Achy Bra, Rad Above the Non-Achy Bra, Rad.

Part Three: Lace Your Fingers Together. (Aw, comfort while health.)

Part Four: Bring Wrists Down. (This sounds like the movie with an excessive amount of battle scenes.)

Part Five: Turn Hand Holding to Side-- Away from Ya Bod.

Easy peasy, no? You've probably done it instinctually at some point when you're stretching like a twisty cat pretzel with grace.

Okay! I'm going to make some bad decisions re: food.

 

Lindsay is the Office Superhero (check the business cards) at Mantis Massage. She knows essentially zilch about massage therapy other than that it feels real nice. Outside of random trivia, she has retained nothing from talking with the therapists re: anatomy. Lindsay might maybe possibly definitely be inebriated for these discussions, but who's to say?