Drunk Anatomy

Hey, what's up? How's it going? You look acceptable to very nice! What are we learning about this week or should I say where are we learning about this week, you ask?

*careens self into outer space laughing so hard*

We're studying the psoas! Because I don't know what in tarnation they are, but they keep coming up in the break room and I am left sitting there like a goober. A goober with egg on her beautiful face. Plus, doesn't "psoas" sound like an offshoot of mimosas? Like it's pulpy grapefruit juice or pineapple juice + champagne? Oh my god, that sounds amazing and fabulous.

Where is it and what does it look like?

It starts at your post-ribs spine on both sides and continues down ya pelvis.

The psoas look like limp chicken wings. Not alive chicken wings. Dead chicken wings where you have to scoop out the innards. Know what's gross? The plopping noise of innards falling out of a chicken's butt. That's what's gross.

Anatomy. Science. MUSCLES.

[This is where I spilled one of those $1.50 frozen strawberry daiquiri bags (get that judgment out of my face) all over my white comforter because I am a god damn ballerina who oozes grace and sophistication at every flailing turn.]

What it is/ What is up/ What is what/ What it do/ What it don't

It works with a group of other highly specialized muscles to do some stuff. Some of that stuff includes: bending at the waist, lifting the thighs, rotating the spine, other things. What I'm getting from all this is that the psoas are integral to performing the "Bend & Snap." I'm going to maybe probably definitely watch Legally Blonde after this rough draft is finished. (I know what you're thinking, rough draft??? For this gibberish? Well, YES. It's even more gibberish at the rough stage.) You'd also  use the psoas when doing sit-ups or dancing or pretty much any movement since it's involved in spine stuff. Spines are so involved; they're in it to win it.

A lot of the choreography in the "Bye, Bye, Bye" video-- most notably the Geppetto work? Typical psoas at work.

How do I treat my psoas with the love and care they deserve?

I'm going to explain it to you, but I HIGHLY suggest you GoogleImage this because it's fantastic.

You do, like, a really extreme, exaggerated lunge with one knee touching the ground and your hands on your hips. This is what you will look like: you got down on one knee to propose, your S.O. winced and now hands to the hips 'cause you are miffed.

Also, obviously, get a massage! They're pretty alright, y'know? Of course you do, you're reading a blog post on a deep tissue massage therapy clinic's website.

Another stretch involves a foam roller, your dear friend but also mortal enemy. You have a complicated relationship that makes for some interesting chemistry. You lie on the foam roller with it wedged under your top glutes and bring one knee to your chest. Rotate knees! Keep doing it! The person in the picture is smiling but I sincerely doubt you will be if you try it because foam rollers are the devil if the devil were exercise equipment.

I am just learning so much during these blog posts and then re-learning so much when I go back to edit them. Knowledge for the win!

Enjoy this image of my comforter getting a shower.

Lindsay is the Office Superhero (check the business cards) at Mantis Massage. She knows essentially zilch about massage therapy other than that it feels real nice. Outside of random trivia, she has retained nothing from talking with the therapists re: anatomy. Lindsay might maybe possibly definitely be inebriated for these discussions, but who's to say?