Drunk Anatomy

So this is kind of personal. Kind of sensitive, but I feel that we've reached a rapport and, call me emotionally inept, I trust you, Internet strangers. Just because I know nothing about any of you and you've accumulated quite a bit of knowledge about me from the odds and ends in each blog post, doesn't mean that I don't sense the goodness inside of you. With that in mind, I'd like to share with you the most important, cherished, sacred part of my life.

This thing! Look at how his ears are! Look at how he looks like a little fox/seal! Look at his face! Look at his elegant limbs! Isn't he wonderful? (Say yes. Say yes or I'll find you and mess you up.)

His eyes aren't usually like that, I think he was just blissed out from being at Zilker.

Hey, I think you're confused about this being your diary. It's not, it's an anatomy blog. When is the anatomy going to come into play?

Hold your horses! Wrap your hands around their reins and gently hold them.

The muscle of the week is the peroneus longus! I thought I had done this one already, but apparently not. I get confused about what I've covered because (well, alcohol tbh) a lot of muscles have very similar sounding names.

This muscle, this peroneus longus--if that's even your real name--it is, it 100% is--goes straight up and down in your calves! So you have two of them in your body provided that you have two calves.

It's smack dab in the middle as far as depth goes, but is positioned closer to the knee.

What's your dog's name anyway? Does he have something to do with this muscle? Is that why you intro'd with him?

His name is Hunx! He has nothing to do with the peroneus longus whatsoever. He probably has them if they're in dogs, but I can't be bothered to Google and verify that. The reason I opened with him is because I couldn't think of anything to start off with and I could talk about that little fox for days. He's a very special, very pushy lil guy; there's a lot to say.

Okay, this isn't the Lindsay-talks-about-how-much-she-loves-her-dog portion of the blog, it's the function and examples section!

Despite being inside the calves, the peroneus longus is really there for foot movement stuff and balancing the leg on the foot. Keeping that in mind, you use your peroneus longus to: stand; squat; drop it like it's hot; hullahoop; lunge; tap dance; slide into the splits; nervously shift your weight from foot to foot.

What? That was hardly any examples!

Look, you get the picture! You can imagine from that list when it's being used and, frankly, I don't know of any good feet stabilizing/moving things at the moment so. Just accept what's happening!

To stretch your peroneus longus, first of all, take a load off in a chair. Next, rest your ankle on your opposite knee. Then, take a moment to reflect on your life and how it's not measuring up to what you thought it would be. Once you've thought about that for a solid seven minutes, grasp your foot a bit below your toes and pull it toward the center of your body. Now, as you're stretching and feeling the effects, remind yourself that you're doing a good job of keeping yourself alive day after day and that there's still time. So much time. Whether or not that is comforting is entirely up to your disposition!

Lindsay is the Communications Maven at Mantis Massage. She knows essentially zilch about massage therapy other than that it feels real nice. Lindsay might maybe possibly definitely be inebriated for these discussions, but who's to say?