Drunk Anatomy

You know, I've been doing Drunk Anatomy for quite some time now and there's something that I've learned that I want to share with you. The thing about bodies is that they are categorically gross. Just like the most off-putting things to see inside of. Your innards are not beautiful. They are not aesthetically pleasing. They look MESSED UP. There's so much moisture and like alien-looking pieces all clustered together. And the blood! Oh my god, the blood. Blechhhhhhhhhhh. You see muscles and stuff when you buy meat at the grocery store but it's just not an accurate depiction of what's going on inside us at all times.

TL; DR: Do not look at pictures of actual muscles. Stick with the cartoons, they will not put you off eating for hours on end.

With this very positive attitude towards bodies, let's go in-depth about anatomy!

We will be learning about and loving the opponens pollicis this week.

Loving? We'll be loving this muscle?

Yes, LOVING just like I love you and you love me.

I wouldn't go that far. That's a bit much. Scale it back a bit.

Fine, message received. The opponens pollicis, which sounds like a journalism award, is a small muscle located in the hand because your hand is small and it can't go around with gigantic muscles, now can it? It lies deep in the palm underneath the abductor pollicis brevis muscle and beside the flexor pollicis brevis muscle. Those two are the opponens pollicis's best friends. They're its trio, its girl gang, its raison d'être, and together they are the thenar eminence muscles. Doesn't that also sound like a journalism award?

Do you know what journalism awards are usually called?

Somewhat, I mean, my knowledge of journalism awards isn't necessarily rooted in FACTS per say, but more of a general understanding of the nuanced complexity that is journalism awards and their names and by extension the naming process thereof--we're getting off track here!

The opponens pollicis muscle is tasked with moving the thumb laterally, in a way that is described as "opposition of the thumb," but that does more to confuse than clarify, IMO.

You use your handy dandy opponens pollicis when you touch your thumb to each of your fingers five times each so that you can relax; when you hold something in your hand without putting your fingers to work; when you move your thumb to be the mouth in the face you've drawn on the side of your hand; when you touch your thumb to each finger just one more TO BE SURE, of what I don't know, but I do know that if I don't do it, I'll start squirming like a restless toddler; when you hold a pen, pencil, or any utensil; when you pick something up between your thumb and pointer finger because the thing is gross and you want to touch it the least amount possible; and MORE!

Your sentences are super long and rambly this week, what's the deal?

I am feeling restless! And agitated! And I am having difficulty concentrating on one thought unless that thought is completely irrelevant to what I should be thinking about/doing! There's an eyelash in my eye!

Unlike our more recent Drunk Anatomy muscles, the opponens pollicis has a super easy stretch you can do! You just keep your fingers pressed together and then push your thumb out as far away from them as you can. You can also squeeze that meaty bit of muscle between your thumb and index finger to loosen it up.

Or get a massage! A Mantis Massage massage to be exact!

Lindsay is the Office Superhero (check the business cards) at Mantis Massage. She knows essentially zilch about massage therapy other than that it feels real nice. Lindsay might maybe possibly definitely be inebriated for these discussions, but who's to say?