Drunk Anatomy

Guess what day it is!!! Go on, guess! Did you guess Drunk Anatomy day? If so, well done but not that well done because you wouldn't be reading this without me posting a new Drunk Anatomy. Ooof, my logic gets circular when alcohol is applied to it. Still, please help yourself to some confidence if you were correct.

This daylike day in November we will be venturing into triceps brachii territory!!!

Tell me about it, stud.

Is there any reference I'm capable of resisting? Offensive ones, for sure, those are pretty easy to resist because people > jokes. Take that, professional comedians! Okay, let's disengage from lecture mode and get back to what we're all here for: anatomy, drunkenly. (Get it? Like Love, Actually but "anatomy, drunkenly." DO YOU GET IT.)

The triceps brachii, frequently nicknamificationed the triceps, is located on the back of the upper arm. Its name means "three-headed arm muscle" which is some Greek mythology shit. But the heads aren't that of a giant snake monster, they're the long head, lateral head, and medial head. Calling them heads is pretty misleading, though. It's more like when you get a thing of celery and how they're a bunch of sticks held together at the base--which in this instance is the elbow--it's like that! As you probs deduced, the medial head is the middle celery stick. And the lateral head is on the outside of the arm and the long head is on the inside.

What's in a name?

...I? What...are you asking? Do you mean what does it do? That's what I'm going to pretend you mean, at any rate. It's involved in arm movements--SHOCKER--like extending the forearm and the shoulders. You know how in old paintings people have one hand out while they're emoting? Like, they're not pointing or really gesticulating, exactly, it's just out and they're probably saying something that starts with, "Oh," and continues with something dramatic and probably repressed? They're using their triceps to hold that pose! You also use it when you write, do jumping jacks (sp?), the Macarena, the "Welcome to the gun show" pose, all the trademark Vanna White moves, etc.

How do I make my arms strong and flexible like a puma?

To strengthen 'em, make 'em bulge-y, do some push ups with a stability ball. If you're anything like me, this will be a flippin' ordeal. You have to keep your balance on the ball by resting your calves on it. The ball is somehow sentient so it will try to roll away and make a fool out of you, but don't be discouraged! Once you have some sort of episode or break then the ball will sit calmly underneath you, smug in the damage it has done to your psyche. Then you do some push ups!

There's also a very very basic stretch you can do where you put one hand behind your head so that it hangs between your shoulders and then hold onto the elbow of that arm. Even I can do it so... VERY basic.

Also...Get. A. Massage.

Lindsay is the Office Superhero (check the business cards) at Mantis Massage. She knows essentially zilch about massage therapy other than that it feels real nice. Outside of random trivia, she has retained nothing from talking with the therapists re: anatomy. Lindsay might maybe possibly definitely be inebriated for these discussions, but who's to say?