The Importance of Play


The child within needs a way to get out sometimes.  I recently had the pleasure of attending the Austin Maker Faire, “a gathering of fascinating, curious people...From engineers to artists to scientists to crafters, Maker Faire is a venue for these "makers" to show hobbies, experiments, projects,” which is geared towards kids and getting their brains hooked on learning.  Though my grandmother would probably still consider me a kid, at 31 you would think that I’d be a little out of place in such a setting. Instead, I was welcomed at all the stations, encouraged to be myself, and rediscover my creativity. This while my husband illuminated hundreds of kids with the vast and intriguing world of virtual reality.  

While we adults are all caught up in the world of being such, and all of the responsibilities that go along with it, it is important to take a step back sometimes.  Like waaaay back, to when we were kids. What would 8 year old Sandra do? She’d probably tell me that I’m spending too much time doing boring things, and not nearly enough time playing with her friends.  

According to Nathan H. Lents, Ph.D., in his article for Psychology Today entitled “Why Play Is Important”, “[Play] can encourage creativity, planning, problem solving, and a whole bunch of task-specific skills like spatial reasoning and logic. For both humans and animals, play is a low-risk way to develop our cognitive abilities.”  Now, I’m not saying that we should do everything that dogs do, but minus the butt sniffing shenanigans they really seem to have a lot of their lives figured out.

Play helps to reduce stress and activate our parasympathetic nervous system, which signals to our bodies that we are in a safe space, free from danger.  Existing in this state helps us think about things that maybe we haven’t had time for previously, sometimes revealing new, ingenious, even playful solutions.  Play is also a great way to encourage bonding and can help strengthen relationships.  And laughing.  Laughing is sooooo good for you.  

So take some time today to play.  The kid inside you will be glad you did.  


Drunk Anatomy

Hey buddy o'pals, how are things? What are you up to? I'm sweating because Austin decided to do something a little different this year and be super flippin' humid like every other city in my life. Anyway, now that everyone knows I'm putting my Dove Clinical Protection Cool Essentials Antiperspirant Deodorant™ to work, let's talk anatomy!

This week, we will be taking a hard, unflinching look at the serratus anterior. It is, in fact, a muscle and not a room full of knives and other assorted cutlery as one might expect.

This is an anatomy blog. I don't think anyone thought it was a "room full of knives."

Circled in red on this photograph is the muscle in question.

As you can see and cringe at, the serratus anterior is located below your armpits on your side via the ribs. I'm going to take a GIANT leap and assume this muscle's name and beefed up appearance is the reason for buff bods being referred to as "shredded." Truly the bod pictured above is shredded and it's a worrisome sight to behold. (Mine does not look like that, though, does anyone who is not a bodybuilder have one that defined? Let me know in the comments!)

There are three parts of the muscle (the three strips as seen on the dude bro's body) which are the serratus anterior superior (the highest, a little uppity tbh), the serratus anterior intermediate (the middle, very level-headed), and the serratus anterior inferior (the lowest, lots of self worth issues).

Wow, maybe don't body shame that guy for being so shredded.

Okay, you can't body shame men for being too muscular? That's not a thing? No man has ever experienced systemic marginalization due to being ripped?

Based on the location and size of the serratus anterior, it doesn't seem like this muscle does much of importance.

It's there to affix the scapula to its rightful place- yeesh, how dramatically did I phrase that one? According to my sources, the serratus anterior is responsible for frontal arm movements as well as pulling the scapula to the front around the ribs.

If that was a big, "Uh, wha?" for you, too, don't worry. Here are some examples to illustrate these movements: punching someone in the face, doing a push-up, punching someone in the arm, putting books on your head, punching someone in the stomach, swinging a golf club, punching someone in the neck, holding your jacket above your and your crush's heads in the rain.

You used the same example like five times.

Nope, only four! This seems like a difficult to impossible muscle to stretch. Let's find out if my preconceived notions of stretchability align with reality, shall we?

They don't! There are some very simple stretches for the serratus anterior. But how would you know if it was sore? That's the real question. Your therapist could very easily tell you, I guess, so that's not really a stumper. Man, I am over or under estimating everything today.

Okay, stretch time. Behind your back, with one hand hold the opposite wrist. With the hand that is grasping, pull the grasped wrist/arm toward the grasping hand. THIS IS THE WORST EXPLANATION IN THE WORLD, BLAHHHH. And hold that until you feel a release.

Also get a Mantis Massage massage.

Lindsay is the Office Superhero (check the business cards) at Mantis Massage. She knows essentially zilch about massage therapy other than that it feels real nice. Outside of random trivia, she has retained nothing from talking with the therapists re: anatomy. Lindsay might maybe possibly definitely be inebriated for these discussions, but who's to say?

Ash's Playlist

Clementine - Sarah JAffe

Jolene- Ray LaMontagne

Three White Horses - Andrew Bird

My Silver Lining - First Aid Kit

Coffee - Sylvan Esso

Paper Heart - St Lucia

Green, Green Rocky Road - Oscar Isaac

Giant of Illinois - Andrew Bird

Postcards from Italy - Beirut

The Winner is - Devotchka


Check out this playlist here!  It's perfect for massages and being cute with your cutie friends who are just non-stop cuteness rollercoasters.

Drunk Anatomy

Hello, Drunk Anatomy-ers!!! It's been so long and yet everything's remained unchanged. I'm still a garbage can and you're still...I don't know? However I imagine you to be at a given moment? SEND ME PICS SO I CAN PROPERLY IMAGINE YOU. But only wearing clothes. Your swimsuit area is not to be revealed.

Anyway, here we are falling into old patterns. I'm at the kitchen table/desk with a vodka soda, muttering to myself, and you're rolling your eyes, all, "This again?" Beautiful.

Today I took my beloved pooch to Emancipet to get his last booster shot and trim his nails, which yielded some truly heart wrenching squeaks and struggling. I almost cried but managed to cover it with nervous laughter (hashtag repressed white girl); meaning, I'm very due for some alcohol. And anatomy, of course.


Settle, petal. This is about to get very anatomy-centric. Observe:

The muscle of the week is the extensor digitorum!!!

I know what you're thinking and it is not a Digimon. It's a muscle in the forearm! And as icing on the repulsive fascial lining muscle cake, its name actually pertains to its function! The EG extends the digits of the hand- it's exactly what it sounds like. It's the nevernude of the muscle world.

But where in the forearm? The posterior! Which means the back, anterior means front. The EG runs from the elbow to the wrist and like most muscles, it's just a long strip. It's thicker at the elbow and thinner at the wrist but looks-wise it's pretty average.

Tell me more about this Digimon nevernude muscle.

The EG is a gesticulation muscle! If you're anything like me, you can't get through a conversation without some limp-wristed flailing so this is A Very Important Muscle. You use it when you hold utensils, do finger pistols, form inflammatory gestures, when you're drunk and you're taking pics with randos whom you love very much very briefly and you for some unknown reason throw up a peace sign, doing spirit fingers, also jazz hands, gang signs, that Spock hand gesture thing with the pointer and middle fingers on one side and the ring and pinky fingers on the other, the illuminati sign, juggling, shuffling cards, magic tricks, OTHER THINGS.

Teach me how to care for my EG. I want to make a change but I want you to spell it out for me.

Alright-y-roo! Let's hop to it! You can obviously of course get a massage with any of our talented therapists who will work out any knots that ail you.

I also have some stretches prepared for your home care!

The lack of tightness in your EG is well worth the embarrassment of having to perform these stretches.


Lindsay is the Office Superhero (check the business cards) at Mantis Massage. She knows essentially zilch about massage therapy other than that it feels real nice. Outside of random trivia, she has retained nothing from talking with the therapists re: anatomy. Lindsay might maybe possibly definitely be inebriated for these discussions, but who's to say?

Drunk Anatomy


...Hey. So...this is awkward. I know I haven't been around much lately and that is due in equal parts to forgetting and being a garbage pail. I wanna make up for it, though!!! As they say on Tumblr, it's garbage can, not garbage cannot.

I am making a TENTATIVE pledge that will likely be abandoned to post a Drunk Anatomy every day of the music festival portion of SXSW. (Because I will be in attendance! I have a wristband! From my boss! Because she's the best! Let's call her my bost- get it?) But TENTATIVELY. Like, it's very up in the air as to whether or not I will honor this pledge. Just stay tuned, my dearest darlings.

Also, I got a dog a couple weeks back!!!!!!! His name is Hunx and it's like "Halo" is playing every time I look at his little face. The vet at Emancipet exclaimed, "I have never seen a dog like that before--oh my god, are you a fairy?" when I took him to get a booster shot. You get it.

Is this a blog about anatomy or your livejournal?

Touché. The muscle of this post is the palmaris longis!

Oooooh. Aaaaaah. Wowwwwwww. Geeee willllikers.

Seems like it'd be in your hand based on the name, huh? Well, it's not because that would be too easy.

It's near the hand, though, it's not like a butt muscle with some outlandish explanation like, "It's the palm of the butt" or what have you. The palmaris longis is located along the edge of the forearm along the pinky finger side. PRETTY FASCINATING FACT: the pl is missing in 14% of the population. How? What? Why? Etc?

Wanna know if you have one? Touch your pinky to your thumb and if you do, then a tendon will rise in your wrist. I did it and I honestly can't tell.

This leads me to believe the palmaris longis is not a terribly important muscle, no offense palmaris enthusiasts! Please don't drag me for this observation. I know you probably thought, "Finally, some recognition for the unsung hero of the forearm" and now I'm just letting you down all over the place. Well, I'm used to being the source of disappointment so let's move onward and upward! Or just laterally!

The shape of the pl is just your run of the mill long, thin strip formation. Before I started doing this, I guess I thought muscles came in an assortment of shapes, but that's really not the case.

So if you don't even automatically come equipped with a palmaris longis, does it really even do anything?

Sensing a lot of hostility in this question and I am not here for it. AT ALL. The palmaris longis may not be as exciting as the glutes or the delts but it takes all kinds, okay? The palmaris longis is actually a special snowflake! It may or may not exist, its attributes are not uniform: it might be muscular in some areas and more tendon-y in others, the muscle also just might not be then and it's just all tendon. SPECIAL.

Its function is a wrist flexor. So. It flexes the wrist. When you're messing around with a Wii, that's the pl! When you gesticulate and your wrist goes limp, that's the pl! When you "talk to the hand," that's the pl!

Let's stretch this basically useless muscle!

How would you strain it enough to need to stretch it? I have NO IDEA, but let's indulge this absurd proposal.

I call this stetch: lemme see them love lines.

Step one: hold one arm out in front of you, Macarena-style.

Step two: with your opposite arm, grasp your fingers on the first arm. Or hand. Fingers are generally attached to hands.

Step three: pull those fingers down and back.

Step four: feel that stretch and reveal those love lines.

Lindsay is the Office Superhero (check the business cards) at Mantis Massage. She knows essentially zilch about massage therapy other than that it feels real nice. Outside of random trivia, she has retained nothing from talking with the therapists re: anatomy. Lindsay might maybe possibly definitely be inebriated for these discussions, but who's to say?

It Gets Better

Another Ballad for Heavy Lids - Stars of the Lid

Babys - Bon Iver

Beach Baby - Bon Iver

Better Times - Beack House

Buttons - Lambchop

Creep On Creepin On - Timber Timbre

Creosote - Stephen Steinbrink

Dopamin Clouds Over Craven Cottage - Stars of the Lid

Ephemeral Vision - Vidna Obmana

Flowers Bloom - High Highs

The Harvest - Teen Daze

Check out this playlist here! It's awesomesauce for massage- we know what's up when it comes to massage music- but it's also pretty awesome for busy days when you need a breather. Something grounded and centered that makes you feel like everything is pretty acceptable after all.

Quiet Like Early Morning


Our Own Pretty Ways - First Aid Kit

Jagadamba, You Might - First Aid Kit

Strange Love - Lucy Michelle and the Velvet Lapelles

Be All Be Easy - Woods

Riverside - Agnes Obel

Stolen Dance - Milky Chance

St. Paul - Lucy Michelle and the Velvet Lapelles

The Great Escape - Patrick Watson

West Coast (Rob Orton Mix) - Lana Del Rey

The Fountain - Future Islands


Check out this playlist here! It's the perfect mix for therapeutic massages or early-morning drives, maybe some into nature with the music on low enough for you to hear the world perk up around you.


Kylee's Playing Possum Playlist

Waking Up - Explosions in the Sky

Then the Quiet Explosion - Hammock

Daylight Goodbye - Message to Bears

Quiet - This Will Destroy You

Two Moons - Toe

Human Qualities - Explosions in the Sky

Beyond this Moment - Patrick O'Hearn

Bless the Morning Year - Hellos

Tracking Aeroplanes - The Echelon Effect

Passage - Lowercase Noises

Worth Everything Ever Wished For - The End of the Ocean

Twenttwofourteen - The Album Leaf

Check out Kylee's playlist here! For when being conscious is just not working for you! When you're like, "No, thank you" to the sunshine and the him drum-ery of life. And request this playlist for your next session! 


I See My Mother - POLICA

Dark Star - POLICA

Fist, Talk, Money - POLICA

Disco//very - Warpaint

Billie Holiday - Warpaint

Keep It Healthy - Warpaint

Mushaboom - Feist

Clean Slate - M. Ward

Pulaski at Night - Andrew Bird

Fake Palindromes - Andrew Bird

Heartbeats - Jose Gonzalez

There Is A Light that Never Goes Out - The Smiths

Southern Sun - Boy & Bear

If I Ever Feel Better - Phoenix

Glory and Gore - Lorde

Only for You - Heartless Bastards

Somebody that I Used to Know - Gotye

Hall Bop - Django Django

You Woke Me Up! - Andrew Bird

Wild West End - Dire Straits

Under the Pressure - The War on Drugs

Day is Done - Nick Drake

Jagadamba, You Might - First Aid Kit

Baby's Arms - Kurt Vile

Fineshrine - Purity Ring

Emmylou - First Aid Kit

Have a listen here! It's quite the gem and perfect for some bedroom dancing. Groovin' is obviously great for massage but also works for building a fort with a metric ton of twinkle lights. It's a playlist that makes you want to do something deserving of its quiet adorableness.

Drunk Anatomy

Welcome to the special Valentine's Day edition of Drunk Anatomy!!!!!!! Come on in, take off your coat, make yourselves comfortable!

What's the difference between Valentine's Day Drunk Anatomy and regular Drunk Anatomy, you ask? NOTHING EXCEPT THAT AMAZING GRAPHIC UP THERE ^^^^ Didja see it??? It's my MASTERPIECE.

I know what you're wondering and yes, I did grow up in the 90's era of Paint and that space pinball game. WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE.

Now that we've thoroughly basked in the glory of my artwork, let's get into Drunk Anatomy!

This installment is brought to you in equal parts by my raging apathy--hi-o!--and beermosas. The wondrous delight that is our therapist Kelsey invented them many moons ago while living in Brooklyn when she could not be bothered with purchasing champagne. And, yes, they are exactly what they sound like: beer plus orange juice. THEY ARE DELICIOUS AND SHE IS BRILLIANT. I made them with a white ale and mango orange juice and my mouth will never be the same. Truly (and please know that I hate this word but it's most apt) yummy.

We're 183 words in and I haven't told you anything about anatomy so we're right on track!

The muscle of the week is the gracilis!!!! I know, I'd never heard of it either! But I turned to my good friend Google who gave me some heartfelt, no-nonsense advice and now I know can learn anything if I can just bring myself to care (there goes that apathy again-woooo!),

Gracilis, gracilis, gracilis, what's your name? Where you come from?

The gracilis (I'm thinking it's pronounced gruh-silly-ass) is located in the inner most upper thigh ~OooooOoooooOoooh scandalous. It's just a lil slip of a muscle and is apparently "superficial"-- I'm about to go off, m'kay? THERE IS MERIT IN SUPERFICIAL THINGS. THINGS THAT ARE JUST MEANT TO BE FUN ARE WORTHWHILE. Okay, *smooths down all of my everything* I just needed to get that out there.

By superficial, anatomy whoevers mean closest to the surface, not buried beneath a bunch of muscles, like some other muscles I could Google... The gracilis looks like if a wispy ballerina were a muscle. It's just a thin band that looks deceptively delicate and runs from the pelvis to the thigh. 

Wispy like a cotton ball? Does it have a tutu or something? How is it a ballerina? I don't get it.

Ughhhh mom, leave me alone, you don't get punk at all! (For newbs, this is part where I illustrate how bad I am at segues and then we talk about the muscle's function.) The gracilis adducts and medially rotates the hip, which means it pulls and rotates the hips towards the center of ya body. What I'm getting from this is that the gracilis is super grounded, it's humble, doesn't put on airs, it brings the hip back to Earth so it can be with the community. It's not just some dudley do-right, though, oh no, the gracilis also flexes the hips and the knee so WATCH OUT! It'll steal your girl!

And stretch. And stretch. And stretch and stretch and stretch.

The gracilis stretch is everything I've ever wanted. It looks like such an awkward, improbable position that only a breakdancer would fall into.


look at

this ridiculousness

I don't even know what to say other than bless the gracilis for having the best stretches I've ever seen.


Lindsay is the Office Superhero (check the business cards) at Mantis Massage. She knows essentially zilch about massage therapy other than that it feels real nice. Outside of random trivia, she has retained nothing from talking with the therapists re: anatomy. Lindsay might maybe possibly definitely be inebriated for these discussions, but who's to say?

Drunk Anatomy

I have been informed that "people love Drunk Anatomy" and I am just floored by this! I legit didn't think anyone other than, like, my boss (who is (genuinely) not like a regular boss, she's like a cool boss) read this so I am touched but also nervous because now there's PRESSURE. Pressure to make you glad you came along and decided to read a silly blog post by an adorable young woman with thick eyelashes framing her intelligent blue eyes who's just trying to get by in this neverending game of let downs and frustrations called life. Not the board game Life. Actual life. Though, I did love that game (not as much as Candyland or Guess Who?- those were the prime games come rainy day recesses #NostalgiaGeneration) largely because it intro'd me to the concept of a house boat and I've wanted one ever since.


All I need in this life of sin is me and my houseboat, me and my houseboat.

The muscle of the week is.....the deltoid muscle! Ahhhhh! I know, you've been waiting for weeks and it's finally here!!! Okay, chill out, you're embarrassing yourself. Wanna know where the deltoid's at? Yeah, you do. It's your shoulder! The rounded cap of the shoulder, precisely. I've been informed that the deltoid used to be called the deltoideus, which, like yeesh, try harder muscle-namers, ya buncha nerds. I CAN FEEL YOU FLEXIN' FROM HERE AND IT AIN'T CUTE.

The "delt" part comes from Latin (of course, like we could get through one muscle without hearing about Latin- if it's so special why isn't it still alive????) for triangle. I feel that this is not appropriate given the shape; it's really more of a half-sphere, anatomy experts! I think upon closer inspection and less Latin reverence, you'll find this to be true. And as for the reason I picked this one, well, that's hard to say. It's more a bunch of tiny reasons than one big one...ha! No, I actually just Googled "anatomy" and was surprised I hadn't done this one yet. I PLAY IT FAST AND LOOSE, M'KAY. THAT'S WHAT MAKES MY WORK SO HONEST.

There's some very disappointing news I have to share with you: there are three parts to the deltoid. I know, what a barrel of bullshit, huh? Let's just band together and face this head on. Alright, so there's the anterior part, lateral part, and posterior part- let me hear you say, "Ughhh, that's too many parts!" The anterior part is the portion of the deltoid on the front of your body so, like, near your chest, your pecs, all that. The lateral part is what you'd see from a bird's eye view (real quick: can birds see in color??? someone get back to me on this!) and the posterior part is the section you'd see from behind.

But what does it do? And how do you do?

I do fine, thank you for the inquiry. The deltoid does a slew of stuff, you would not believe how much stuff this thing does. You know how really sadistic trainers make you hold dumbbells and raise your arms then do little circles with them? That's deltoid work right there! Obviously, any and all shoulder movements are deltoidian. You know that dance where you rev a motorcycle? That's the deltoids! When you throw a baseball and people get really excited at the way you threw it but it turns out after 30 minutes of trying to replicate it that it was just a fluke? That's the deltoids!

Now that I know my deltoid isn't some loser mooch muscle, I wanna take care of it. Guide me, Office Superhero!

Here's an easy and most likely familiar stretch: you take one arm and press it against the pec region then cradle it against your chest with your other arm. Hold it, keep it safe then switch once the tightness abates. This, of course, will not ease the tightness in your heart. Nothing will. Maybe some soul searching and crying and intensive therapy will help, but who's to say what with the amount of damage you're rocking.

But this stretch is great for deltoids!!!1!!1

And, as always, get a massage from one of our extremely talented and cool and nice therapists! They're a bunch of darlings, I tell ya!

Lindsay is the Office Superhero (check the business cards) at Mantis Massage. She knows essentially zilch about massage therapy other than that it feels real nice. Outside of random trivia, she has retained nothing from talking with the therapists re: anatomy. Lindsay might maybe possibly definitely be inebriated for these discussions, but who's to say?

Drunk Anatomy

This installment of Drunk Anatomy could not have been possible without Eastciders Original Dry Cider. Thank you for your contribution in the making of this blog post; we at Mantis Massage appreciate you.

How are you? I've missed you, are you doing okay? We never hold hands anymore, what's that about? Have you met another anatomy blog, is that it? You've been anatomy-ing around behind my back?

OH MY WORD, I'M JK!!!!!!

Anywhozles, it's a pretty nice evening: the weather is cool, the air is fine, the feral cats are yowling (aww) and, oh hark, now they're knocking over the trash and recycling bins (what QTs) so it's time for a little Drunk Anatomy with your girl Lindsay. (That's just an expression, I'm not your girl. I'M MARRIED TO THE SEA. I'M TO THE SEA'S GIRL.)

Oh my god. Look. At. Her. Muscle.

The muscle in question we're looking at is the scalenes! Full disclosure: the scalenes are "a group of three pairs of muscles" in the neck... cool story Wikipedia! If that made no sense to you, a high five of solidarity for one, and for two, lemme break it down like a slow jam. There's three muscles: the scalenus anterior, the scalenus medius, and the scalenus posterior. Each of these scalenus muscles is a pair of muscles, they're partners, they're inseparable, it's adorbz. As previously stated, they're located dans le neck, but more specifically, the side of the neck below the ears.

Imagine a triangle for me (well done!), now in that triangle draw a line down the middle (you're doing so great), that middle line is the scalenus medius. The line to the left is the scalenus posterior and the line to the right is the scalenus anterior. The posterior connects to the top of the shoulder blades and the anterior comes forward to get all up in the clavicle's zone.

They just look like strips. Like chicken strips before they're cooked or overcooked bell pepper strips if you don't partake in the meaty delights.

What do the scalenes do in the neck? Just sit around like they're better than me?

Nope, you relentless egomaniac! They raise the ribs and bend the neck. I'm assuming the rib thing is in reference to breathing, thoughts? What else do ribs move for? Laughing? I guess laughing works since the lungs expand and retract. Gulping? Sure.

Neck bending is for when you tilt your head really exaggeratedly to make someone feel bad and second-guess whether their contributions are welcome.

...what, like you don't do that?  I don't believe you. Everyone does that.

And one, two, three, and stretch! And one and two and three and stretch!

We're gonna talk about stretches in case you didn't know from the question, in which case, you are not astute, like at all.

This is one of the easiest stretches ever! You just tilt your head to the side! Keep your ear parallel to the line of your shoulder and you may use your hand to hold your head to the side. That's right, you have head-holding privileges sanctioned by moi. Just this once. Don't get greedy. It looks like performing this stretch while laying down is a good idea so give that a try, too.

There's another one that looks so photo stock, I can't even. You sit down and hold the edge of the seat with one hand and tilt your head up and face the sky (in the direction of whichever hand is doing the gripping, tilt it that way). You will look SO PROUD. So like you're getting an oil portait done and you were like, "I need you to capture how majestic I am, okay? Like, I'm a lion if a lion were transformed into a human and had to get a portrait done. That is my essence. Capture it."

Lindsay is the Office Superhero (check the business cards) at Mantis Massage. She knows essentially zilch about massage therapy other than that it feels real nice. Outside of random trivia, she has retained nothing from talking with the therapists re: anatomy. Lindsay might maybe possibly definitely be inebriated for these discussions, but who's to say?

Drunk Anatomy

(I almost wrote Drunk in Love. I almost just did that.)

Greetings and salutations, my bevy of babelings! I am the resident trash pail so this post is going up a day late. I'M SORRY!!! I DIDN'T HAVE MY PLANNER WITH ME AND CLEARLY I NEED IT TO SURVIVE/DO THINGS IN A TIMELY FASHION. NO EXCUSES, THOUGH, I AM JUST TRASH THROUGH AND THROUGH.

Off topic: I'm writing my about me/bio thing for the site (OoooOooooOoooh so fancy) and it's giving me a lot of trouble! Like, I wanna seem fun but responsible so people don't go, "I don't know about that" when they give me their payment info over the phone or whatever. How do you seem cool but like you won't steal? How do you strike that balance? Suggestions are welcome. I WANNA HAVE IT ALL!

So, are we going to talk about you or some gosh durn anatomy?

We're going to do both and if you have a problem with that, I kindly invite you to fight me. Know this: I've been described as "scrappy" so yeah. Think more than once before taking me up on this. Maybe twice. Maybe thrice.

The muscle(s) of the week is/are the zygomaticus!!! We're doing the major and minor, hence the plurals!!!!!

They both look like chewed up gum that's pulled out of a mouth--that's happened in movies. Cher did that. I've never seen it irl, but who knows? They zygomaticus major goes from the cheekbone to the corner of the mouth and the z minor goes from the eye socket region to the outer top lip. Dimples are supposedly caused by weirdness (or specialness? Differences?) in the z major, which FASCINATING. I always thought it was just like people's cheek shape causing indents or how they smiled, but no, I was dead wrong.

I've been dead the whole time. You've been reading a ghost Drunk Anatomy blog for WEEKS!

Can I tell you how unwell I feel rn? Very unwell! Queasy! Wah, let's talk function!

They are facial expression muscles!!! WTF do you think they do?

The major is used for smiling and the minor is used for unhappy faces. What an interesting differentiation! They complement each other.

Actually, let me tell you a whole buncha stuff: when you smile (creepy image: if the corners of your mouth had strings attached bc you're a marionette and your puppeteer pulled them, that's like how the z major works!), when you make a puke face, when you smirk (I see you Kristen Stewart), when you do the Billy Idol, when you're not supposed to laugh and you have to school your features, when your face squirms up in confusion, when your mouth moves to the side in consternation like that one teenage Olympian (remember her? She was so great.), etc.

And how the diddley am I supposed to stretch the zygomaticus?

You aren't! It's impossible! You can firmly run your fingers along it to work out any soreness, but that's really it.


You can get a flippin' massage, you beautiful bouquet of roses! My face hurts (cuz it's killing you, yeah, yeah, I went to elementary school too) sometimes, well more like my temples, but occasionally my jaw, too, and it's such sweet relief when the therapists work on me. I 10/10 recommend it.

Lindsay is the Office Superhero (check the business cards) at Mantis Massage. She knows essentially zilch about massage therapy other than that it feels real nice. Outside of random trivia, she has retained nothing from talking with the therapists re: anatomy. Lindsay might maybe possibly definitely be inebriated for these discussions, but who's to say?

Drunk Anatomy

Happy 2015, motherlovers! I was avec mes families for the holla-daze so we haven't been together in a bit. Two weeks, actually! Two weeks for me to fall for you. Two Weeks Notice with Hugh Grant and Sandra Bullock and their weird, "eh" chemistry. I'VE SEEN A LOT OF BAD MOVIES AND I'M FINE WITH IT. But yes, it's been two weeks and I missed you every time I thought about you, which admittedly was not that much. I've been kind of caught up with The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and Vanderpump Rules for the past however many days so...yeah. If you ever want to talk about either please feel ENCOURAGED to tweet at us. I'm on our Twitter like a comet, which is to say "a lot."

Okay, it's 2015, I missed you, let's drink and talk anatomy.

Specifically, the rectus femoris!

Rectus femoris, sounds like a butt.

Well, it's not and you sound twelve. (Very important aside: I waaaant a hot doooooog. But a pork one because I am from Detroit where hot dogs make sense and are delicious. Gasp. A coney dog right now would be the bomb diggity. Apparently when I drink, my slang gets turned back to 2003. Who knew!) The rectus femoris is a muscle (shock) located in your thighs, the tippy top front of your thighs.

It's one of the four quadricep muscles--did we cover that everything is a lie and the quads aren't just like a thing themselves, they're made up of other things because deception is a fact of life--situated (yeah, I went to college) front and center (yeah, I took drama) in the thigh. It looks just like two strips, honestly there's no way to describe this thing. If you can think of a better way, then you have bragging rights for eternity. Although, it's gonna get real old real fast to hear someone crow about how they could describe a muscle more aptly than some drunk girl online. JUST SAYING.

I don't even know where to start with this. Nothing is on task right now and it's legit confusing in here.


You use your rectus femoris when you extend or lift the knee, and when you flex the thigh and hip. "When would cases of this be?" you ask because you possess an inquisitive nature and it is a delight.

Y'know how, like, in, like, ballet they do the moves where they lift their legs and, like, move it all around? That's the rectus femoris right there. Also probably during the hokey pokey when the shaking and the lifting happens.

If I flip the switch, I can make the muscle tension drop!

This stretch, oy vey! I don't understand how you can do this without toppling over. I mean, I have the center of gravity of a Weeble, but this seems not doable. You do the old-fashioned "Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" pose (It's SO strange to me that people still do this!!! That is weird! And not a good angle! If there's crying then there's snot and you can see all up in there! Whhhhy?) but switch it up a little bit by holding your foot behind your back because this proprosal is going down quirky stylez! You hold that foot and try to bring it as close to your butt (or your glutes if you recall the post...mftzrn weeks ago about BUNS) as you can. It should burn a bit but not be like painful AF. Hold it and stretch 'til you feel a release.

Also, get a massage, you beautiful love muffins!


Lindsay is the Office Superhero (check the business cards) at Mantis Massage. She knows essentially zilch about massage therapy other than that it feels real nice. Outside of random trivia, she has retained nothing from talking with the therapists re: anatomy. Lindsay might maybe possibly definitely be inebriated for these discussions, but who's to say?


Drunk Anatomy

How are my beautiful children doing this fine Decembre evening? Well? That's good. I mean, I'd prefer you were doing fantabulous but well is not bad. Plus maybe you're super chill and anything more enthused than "well" would ruin your blase aesthetic, let's not rule that out. So roll up your skinny jeans, hike up your socks cuz it's Drunk Anatomy time and I make the rules. Of course, I enforce the rules with the conviction of a sedated kitten, so really do what you want.

Lost track of where we started? GOOD, then we're on track!

What is even happening?

What's happening is we're about to get our collective learn on. The muscle of the week is the rhomboid! [The crowd goes mildly interested!] Let's get this out of the way right now: it's a two-parter muscle. There's the rhomboid major and the rhomboid minor--guess which one's bigger? Did you guess major because you're astute AF? Yeah, you did! So, the rhomboid minor is the same width but thinner than the rhomboid major and is above it.

The rhomboid muscle looks like a rhombus, which we all know is just a square that did too much acid in its prime developmental years. The rhomboid minor is the top 3rd and the rhomboid major is the bottom two-thirds. Suck it, math!

Rhomboid conjunction, what's your function?

The functioning of the major and minor muscles is inseparable. They're like those twins who dress basically the same and try to fool everyone by switching classes/friend groups because they'd watched The Parent Trap toooo many times.

Let's bring some bullet points into play as we explain what the rhomboid is all about/when you use it:

  • doing the windmill dance
  • posture
  • leaning back against ledges on your elbows
  • shrugging exaggeratedly to emphasize your cluelessness
  • shrugging on a jacket in a show of coolioness
  • shrugging to covertly get your bra straps where they need to be ~righting a discomfiting wrong
  • something complicated that is beyond my comprehension, especially now

I am here to: STRETCH. YOU. OUT.

Personally, like from the nooks and crannies of my soul personally, I am very interested to see how to go about stretching the rhomboids because I don't see how it's possible given its locale. But I am just a simple city girl born and raised in south Detroit, too small-minded to anticipate the glorious capabilities of the human body. JK, it's pretty gross. TL DR; there are stretches.

I call this little number the "Pushing the Demons Away."

Step One: Clasp your hands together.

Step Two: Hold your now clasped hands out and elongate your arms as much as you can.

Step Three: Bend your head forward just a bit. You don't need to make eye contact with those demons.

Step Four: Stay in this position for like 20 sec. And bam! Stretched out rhomboids and the demons are gone!

(I will be on vacay next Monday so see you in 2015!)

Lindsay is the Office Superhero (check the business cards) at Mantis Massage. She knows essentially zilch about massage therapy other than that it feels real nice. Outside of random trivia, she has retained nothing from talking with the therapists re: anatomy. Lindsay might maybe possibly definitely be inebriated for these discussions, but who's to say?

Drunk Anatomy

Hey, gorgeous--um, I mean flawless--remember that song? Lil Wayne is a total pre-cog, he completely anticipated ***Flawless. Also, I need to know that you've heard "Feeling Myself," her collab with Nicki because it is EVERYTHING to me rn. EVERYTHING. This intro has absolutely nothing to do with what we're here for: Drunk Anatomy. But isn't that what this is all about? Just a bunch of nonsense to distract from the tragedy of life.

Ha, I'm just messing with you. Let's do this!


We're checking out the spinalis this week my cutie pie friends! Yes, you're a cutie pie. I'm only friends with cutie pies so if we're bros then you're cute. I don't make the rules, okay? These are just facts.

The spinalis is, you guessed it, found along the spine! It makes up the erector spinae and is itself made up of three muscles because nothing is ever easy or straightforward. THERE ARE SO MANY TINY MUSCLES THAT ARE NOT WORTH A SINGULAR BLOG POST. THEY JUST AREN'T.  Those three muscles are the spinalis dorsi, spinalis cervicis, and spinalis capitis. Who goes where in this odd game of Twister, you and I ask in unison? And then our eyes lock as we register the connection between us for the first time. I'd never let myself consider, but it make sense like nothing--SOMEONE GET ME A BOOK DEAL, ALREADY. To answer the question, it seems like they're not really distinct muscles? But they're separate at the same time??? Just like you and I: two separate entities, though we could scarcely tell where one of us began and the other--I WAS BORN TO WRITE TRASH ROMANCE NOVELS.

The spinalis is a long thin muscle that stretches across the spine. There. That was on topic.

(In my thorough anatomy research that I've done in pursuit of this very worthy cause, I've discovered that Gray's Anatomy is like an actual thing and not just a hospital soap opera. I'm floored. Life is a mystery, everyone must staaand alone. I hear you call myyyy name and it feels liiiike...Home.)

What's your spinalis like, homie? What are you into?

This is the part where I tell you what ya spinalis is for. I'm told by the World Wide Web that it's for "extend[ing] and laterally bend[ing] the neck and trunk" so let's unpack that! First of all, pretty sure "trunk" means torso. "Extending" means to elongate and "laterally" means side to side. SO the spinalis is in action when you sit up really straight when you notice how shlumpty dumpty your posture is, loking down, bending over, dropping it like it's hot, Charlie Brown's sad walk is another good example.

Stretch and Release. Stretching and Releasing. Stretchuality and Releasology.

If the section header was unclear, this section is all about stretching your spinalis so that it releases any tension that it probably has. My spinalis is probably tense so that's not a criticism. All of my everything is tense. The therapists have to shake me to try to get me to relax (which I have to say makes like no sense whatsoever) because I am just not a chillaxed lady. Maybe these stretches will help? (Excellent segue, self.)

The first one is VERY ridic looking, just so you know. Basically, you get into the fetal position but on your back, not your side. You bring your knees up to your forehead (or aim for that if that's out of your reach) and hold them with your hands on your shins. And it looks like you just rock up and down, not side to side. I guess it looks like a turtle trapped on its shell a little bit? Which is very sad and I wish I hadn't thought of it.

Here's another stretch that's easy as pie! You just sit in chair and bend forward so that your hands touch your ankles. That's it!

Also, maybe consider getting a massage from ya girls at Mantis Massage! Because they're awesome and they deserve all the things.

Lindsay is the Office Superhero (check the business cards) at Mantis Massage. She knows essentially zilch about massage therapy other than that it feels real nice. Outside of random trivia, she has retained nothing from talking with the therapists re: anatomy. Lindsay might maybe possibly definitely be inebriated for these discussions, but who's to say?


Drunk Anatomy

(This is going up later than usual because I AM A TRASH PILE. A VERY APOLOGETIC TRASH PILE. I'M SORRY.)

Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!

You're in for a very special Drunk Anatomy. This week, we'll be joined by my crippling guilt and the distant yowling of a feral mamma cat. SHE WON'T LET ME HELP HER AND IT'S KILLING ME. We might have to add more Drunk to the mix because, honestly, this is a lot to handle. I am helpless and frustrated with the situation and alcohol is so very here for me right now. BUT WHY WON'T SHE LET ME TAKE HER IN AND PROVIDE FOR HER? Because she's feral, Lindsay. Because she's feral.

This week we will be trying to repress our feelings (so business as usual) while learning about the sternocleidomastoid muscle!

Da fuq? you ask because you are classy and articulate as always.

The sternocleidomastoid, which is usually called the SCM, because ain't nobody got time for that, is a thick two-headed muscle (uuuuuuuuggggggghhhhhhh) that runs across the side of the neck. The SCM looks like a rectangle, which I know is super boring, but that's the truth. There's no way to make a rectangle exciting. It starts out thin at the ends and is thickest in its midsection.

I'm sure you're wondering why I chose this muscle for our time together. You're probably imagining me pouring over anatomy charts and reference books, carefully weighing my options and you would be right. Also, my personal interest in the SCM is due to mine being super flipping tight. That tightness is from me habitually tilting my head like an inquisitive dog.

SCM, pffft...I bet you never use that.

WRONG. WRONG-O. WRONG-DIDDLEY-ONG. You use it to rotate your head, flex the neck, and move your head! So there.

Some examples of this would be: flipping you hair over one shoulder, headslides, whipping your hair back and forth, the dramatic hamster turn, that climatic rom com moment where your S.O. makes an overture and with cautious hope you turn your head to look upon them, shaking water out of your ears, the way you tilt your head when your put earrings on, etc.

You use it a lot and probs without realizing it.

Me and SCM, we're gonna make it. I'm in this for the long haul and nobody is getting between us.

This stretch is some "miserable waif stares forlornly into the distance, searching for something that maybe never was" realness. You turn your head midway between your shoulder and the center of your chest, then pull your head back with the hand you're shifted toward and feel that mild stretch! Hold for like 10 seconds, then do it again. You will look very long-suffering. Very unhappy and contemplative, though ultimately powerless.

Lindsay is the Office Superhero (check the business cards) at Mantis Massage. She knows essentially zilch about massage therapy other than that it feels real nice. Outside of random trivia, she has retained nothing from talking with the therapists re: anatomy. Lindsay might maybe possibly definitely be inebriated for these discussions, but who's to say?


Drunk Anatomy

All aboard the Drunk Anatomy express! We're committed to, in equal parts, your edification and inebriation. You'll find an illustrious array of anatomically-oriented discussions and largely outdated references during your travels with us. There is also a general look the other way/solidarity themed approach to alcohol. We are here to serve you.

This week, our concentration will be on the gastrocnemius!

What and why? But mostly what?

We're heading in gastrocnemius land for two reasons: 1). On the back of my left calf, there's stretch marks that have never ceased to confuse me; 2). I get cramps there sometimes and it is so friggin' annoying, I can't even articulate it. Essentially, the area that turned out to be my gastrocnemius is a total hassle and mysterious so I wanna get it figured out. Not to make a generalization on all the gastrocnemiuses out there, I'm sure yours is beautiful and never cramps up. (Maybe solved the mystery: calf cramps can be caused by a magnesium deficiency. Huh. The more you know.)

The gastrocnemius is the high, bulbous muscle located in the back of the calf, right below the back of the knee. Surprising, right? The name makes it sound like it's an intestinal thing, but here we are. Mislead. Disabused of our notion that words mean things.

Apparently, it means the "stomach of the leg," which is slightly more credible reasoning behind the name choice. I'm assuming it's a reference to bulging potbellies, but I could be wrong. I feel like I'm not, but it's possible, though very unlikely.

What does the leg gut do?

The gastrocnemius has a muscle soulmate/business partner/both in the soleus. They work together to bend the heel backwards towards the ankle, bending at the knee, stabilizing, and propelling the legs forward. That sounds like a whole of lot of hoopla. Let's make the explanation more manageable!

You use your gastrocnemius when you jiggle your leg incessantly, playing hopscotch, clicking your heels, jogging, two-stepping, the moon walk, drawing circles with your toes all coy, jumping fences, running up steps to do something hella dramatic and ill-advised, etc. You get it!

Tell me how to express my feelings.

Let's break down some stretches!

There's one that's very "I lost my powers of being permeable but I can't accept it yet" where you place both hands against a wall and place your feet in lunge pose. Make sure that the tight gastrocnemius is the one that's furthest back so it's getting that stretch.

Another one you can do is very making a comeback, very training in a run down gym, very I'll show them style. You sit with your legs out in front of you and hold a towel, bungee cord, rope, whatever around your toes and pull the whatever it is forward. Keep your back straight and just feel that gastrocnemius stretch.

You can also express that love and devotion with a deep tissue massage, just saying.

Lindsay is the Office Superhero (check the business cards) at Mantis Massage. She knows essentially zilch about massage therapy other than that it feels real nice. Outside of random trivia, she has retained nothing from talking with the therapists re: anatomy. Lindsay might maybe possibly definitely be inebriated for these discussions, but who's to say?


Drunk Anatomy

Welcome to the special holiday edition of Drunk Anatomy! I'm savoring a hard cider at the moment so you know it's autumnal up in here.

In celebration or detest or whatever your feelings are concerning Tofurkey Day, I wanted to do something to really commemorate this time we have together: talk about the caboose, specifically the gluteal muscles, which are the makings of the buns.

Why are the gluteal muscles so special to you, Miss Thing?

Because I am Tina Belcher (in the "I am Spartacus" way) but also because I feel like there's a lot of mystery surrounding the glutes and it's my job to dispell that. Apparently, I'm an Office Superhero and a Myth Buster. Here's one question that just struck me: Why are the gluteals shortened to "the glutes" and not "the teals"? Hashtag missed opportunity.

There's four different gluteal muscles that descend into the buns like the layers of the earth: the gluteus maximus being the crust, the gluteus medius being the mantle, the gluteus minimus functions as the outer core, and the horribly named, tensor fasciae latae muscle, which is the inner core. Also, doesn't latae look like the phonetic pronunciation of latte as spoken by Midwesterners? The answer is yes, of course it's yes!

And what does that gluteus do?

I'm very curious about this myself because I've always assumed (hi-o!) that the buns are ornamental except as a seat cushion or like a connector between your back and your thighs. Anyone else? Naturally, I am very incorrect and it's actually for stuff. :/ Stuff like standing up, staying standing, the running/triumph scene from Rocky. Anything with hip and thigh movements, your buns are your girl. Have you seen the new Beyoncé video? What am I saying, of course you have! (If you haven't, I am judging you and judging you hard.) A lot of those moves would fall under gluteal muscle terrain.

How do I treat my gluteal muscles with the amount of affection and care that I feel is proportional?

If you put a gun to my head, I would describe the stretches for the gluteal muscles as "traditional." When would this scenario occur? If an anatomy fixated person rounded a bunch of people up and demanded answers to arguably pointless questions. There. Are you satisfied?

There's one where you just lay down and bring your knee to your chest, just angle it so that it's pointing to the opposite shoulder.

Another is to sit with one leg in front of you and the other leg crossed over it while holding your knee to your chest. This one reads traditional but also kind of sad. Kind of lonely. Kind of like you hold things to your heart whenever there's something in your hands, be it a carton of ice cream, a pillow, a small animal that is struggling to get away from you, etc.

You can ALSO, y'know, if you feel like it, no pressure or anything, get a massage. Just to SEE. Doesn't need to be a big thing or whatever.

Lindsay is the Office Superhero (check the business cards) at Mantis Massage. She knows essentially zilch about massage therapy other than that it feels real nice. Outside of random trivia, she has retained nothing from talking with the therapists re: anatomy. Lindsay might maybe possibly definitely be inebriated for these discussions, but who's to say?

Drunk Anatomy

Welcome to the anatomy zone! [sung to the tune of "Danger Zone" by Kenny Loggins] We're here, we've got beer and have a standing date with anatomy websites and not in a weird way.

This week we're checking out a slip of a muscle. Its street--and actual--name is the sartorius. Why did I select this to be the topic of our meeting? Because I Popular Search Engine'd "human + muscles," saw "sartorius" on a diagram and loved it. That is a spectacular name. It sounds like something IMPORTANT, something that would have a statue built after it, it sounds like the name of a poem read at the end of a commencement speech. That kind of importance is worth dedicating our anatomy date to, don't you agree? If not, it's too late but please feel free to express yourself in the comments! Your opinion should be heard unless it's terrible, then never give it to anyone.

Let's have a talk about that sartorius. I understand the dear thing is a diplomat.

You understand nothing and you never have. The sartorius is a long thin muscle, actual fax it's the longest muscle in our body--sorry, that's assuming only humans are reading this--it's the longest muscle in the human body and to any animals/aliens/cyborgs/creatures reading this, let me just say one thing: "S'up." The sartorius starts at the top of the thigh in the middle and winds down the inner thigh and stops existing just at the knee. It looks like a vine or the start of a tattoo or something. It's real elegant is what I'm getting at.

It's also nicknamed the "tailor's muscle" because of the inseam of pants and how tailors cross their legs as the work--CUTE!

And what does this muscle, not-diplomat, do, pray tell?

It's involved in flexing and twisting/turning the thigh at the hips, you uppity nightmare. That was way harsh, Tai. I know, I'm sorry! I get mouthy sometimes but know that it's MOSTLY in jest. You're mostly not an uppity nightmare, really, just kind of. But in a FUN way where people laugh in an uncomfortably and say, "Ohhhh!" Like that kind of an uppity nightmare. I feel like that first sentence in this section where I actually talked about anatomy things might have been confusing so let's break it down a little!

Times when you're using your sartorius muscle:

  • Crossing your legs like a real sassafras.
  • Looking at your foot to verify that you did, indeed, step in shit.
  • When you kick your foot up off to the side like a movie poster.
  • Irish Step Dancing. We both know you're an afficianado, let's not play.
  • Sitting Indian style--real question, is this offensive? I feel like yes, but I'm not sure. Let me know!

How do I show my sartorius that they're my no 1?

Stare at them while listening to "Number One" by Goldfrap. Done and done.

Also!!! Here are some truly ridiculous looking stretches you can/should perform that I will describe in the gentlest mockery.

Get down on one knee with the other leg behind you stretched out like it fell asleep while you were kneeling and now it's just dragging along. Then reach behind you and grab the asleep leg's foot and pull it up. Mmm, yeah, feel that stretch. Very stretchy. If you don't wobble, I salute you.

Another one you can do is lay on your back with one foot planted on the ground and the other leg bent so that your heel is parallel to your hip.

You will look like a dingus, but a well-stretched dingus so fair trade, right? Eh, it depends on who's watching.

Or, y'know, you could, like, get a massage or something... Just a thought.

 Lindsay is the Office Superhero (check the business cards) at Mantis Massage. She knows essentially zilch about massage therapy other than that it feels real nice. Outside of random trivia, she has retained nothing from talking with the therapists re: anatomy. Lindsay might maybe possibly definitely be inebriated for these discussions, but who's to say?